Types of Relatives

More stories from Cortney Chow


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1920s Thanksgiving


Screaming. Crying. Chaos. This isn’t World War III– it’s Thanksgiving dinner! Even though relatives can be a bit out of hand, at the end of the day, no one can help smiling at the obnoxious things our families do. No family is perfect but these descriptions may fit your family members like a glove.


Smoocher Stacy

Last time you saw this relative, you fled the sight with hundreds of lipstick stains and pinched cheeks. Philip Mott (12) said,  “My uncle is the affectionate one! You know how they always come up behind you and rub your shoulders or something weird like that?” This person cannot resist giving you a hug at every moment and still has your 3 year old drawings of turkeys framed and hung on their wall. Let’s face it, you love the PDA and being the favorite during the holiday season.


Nosy Nancy

This relative is basically your second mom. It’s often an evening full of nagging or asking if you’re ever going to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. This relative may start a conversation with the prompts: “Did you see that new boy at church? He’s a keeper for sure!” or “Are you sure you just went to Starbucks? Because based off my GPS, your location at 3:32pm was nowhere near a pumpkin spice latte.” Drayke Simpkins (11) expressed her frustration when she said, “My relatives are always like “Are you thinking about college? You don’t talk to any boys do you? ” Whatever the case is, their intentions come from the heart.


Recording Richard

“Why do you need a selfie stick while eating turkey?” is a definite question for this relative that’s part human and part camera. Throughout the entire week, you’ll see a camera recording your every move from the corner of your eye. Grace Wunderlich (9) said, “This is definitely my mom. She likes to take pictures of the table before we eat and then taking pictures with the table.”

This excessive recording may make you want to delete past videos as revenge or file a restraining order, but the pictures will make you smile when you’re older. If this relative ever installs surveillance cameras, just know that they’re trying to preserve those holiday memories…even if it’s borderline creepy.


Wanna be Welma

The older relative who tries to nae nae at every minute during holiday celebrations and has befriended Urban Dictionary. They live by the phrase “forever young” and only wears clothes from Forever 21, or if it’s extreme, Justice. Between the flashy crop tops and made up hashtags, you can’t help but getting a great laugh. Maybe this isn’t the hippest person you know, but when they ask if you want *whip* cream you can’t resist the urge to smile. “My grandma likes to use the term ‘yo’, ‘dog’, and ‘lol’ and she knows how to text like a teen!” said Victoria Pierce (11).



Chef Carol

The person with the best chocolate chip cookies, mashed potatoes, and everything in between.

“My grandma makes this great stuffing, and I always come back for thirds,” says Monique Hall (10). You may have been accused of taking an extra slice of the famous pumpkin pie, but this person is sweeter than the food they make. This relative is generous and gives out love through food! Don’t be surprised when they purchase a safety lock for their sacred recipe box, they’ll give you the recipe when it’s your time to continue their culinary legacy.


Gift Giving Gary

“Take the fifty and don’t tell your mother!” is a saying you’re familiar with during the holiday season. This relative is all about giving gifts and blowing their money to make others happy. They’ll slip a ten dollar bill here and there making you wonder if they plant money trees for a living. There’s no need for a wish list; they know exactly what you want and will suit up in armor during Black Friday just to make your wishes come true. “Every time we’re done opening our gifts, my grandpa comes up to me and like hands me a twenty dollar bill!’ says Hall.