2016: The Final Catastrophe

Manny Tsang, Journalism 1 Staff

2016 has been a sad year. We lost many stars in the beginning of the year, including Lemmy of Mötorhead, David Bowie, Alan Rickman (who played Snape in the Harry Potter movies) Frank Sinatra Jr., Erik Bauersfeld (who voiced Admiral Ackbar), Prince, Guy Hamilton (who directed Goldfinger), Muhammad Ali, Alan Vega of Suicide, actor Jon Polito, and many more who are not significant enough to be on my radar.

Along with this, the world has been very tense. North Korea is shooting rockets into space, testing nuclear weapons, and breaking UN sanctions; the Panama Papers were released, the Rio Olympics were a hot mess, and most recently, two Van Gogh paintings were stolen. 2016 has not been a good year for anyone who isn’t a hermit living in nature in solitude (and due to climate change, those hermits are still probably having a terrible time).

Now here comes our final stand for the people of America, and also our international neighbors, to an extent. The election is coming up in a month, and I, along with plenty of others, are scared out of our pants. Our two candidates are an angry cheeto that only is here because he is a loud bigot and Nixon’s political granddaughter. On our way to this pinnacle of greatness, we have lost many a candidate. To be exact, we lost:

  • The Zodiac Killer
  • A big hippie commie
  • Mr. Like-Trump-on-the-political-scale-but-less-racist

and many others. Bonus points if you can name who these are.

So plenty of people have questions, such as “How easy is it to immigrate to Canada?” and “How do I build a doomsday bunker?” They also range from “How screwed are we if candidate X candidate is elected?”to “How screwed are we in general?” and “What is the best way to assassinate a president?” (in case anyone was wondering why the vice presidential debate was important, that’s why).

But one questions sticks out in my mind. It is relatively simple, and is only answerable once the election is done, if it even has an answer.

“Now what?”

Now what do we do once we have our next president? What wars will happen or might happen? Should I start a punk band to protest whoever is elected? Should I become a hermit and go live in a cave behind a waterfall by myself? What country is the easiest to become a citizen of?

We still have month until the election, and 3 months until the winner officially becomes the President. Maybe these questions will be answered by them. Maybe not. But I’ll be looking for an umbrella and a good coat regardless, because there’s going to be a storm coming and a good chance that a lot of us will be left stuck out in the rain.