Bugs Bunny: the presidential candidate that we deserve

Emily Macaulay, Staff Writer

OK, I’ll admit it, I didn’t anticipate the election season ending up like this.

No potential candidate was my first choice, not even early on in the presidential race, and especially not from the current roster. I just wanted a president who would best fit my interests – as a Disaffected Democrat who is moderately invested in politics – yet all of the options representing my party were amateur. Everybody was too incompetent, too radical, or too old.

Still, there’s hope for third party candidates, even this late in the game. Despite everybody urging that a write-in ballot is basically akin to extinguishing a house fire with a water gun, I am willing to make an exception. America has ignored the  perfect presidential pick for far too long.

I am voting for Bugs Bunny as President of the United States.

Sure, it’s quite easy to discredit his campaign. Bunny is a television personality like former president Ronald Reagan, and does in fact, sport a loud ego like the hopefully former president Donald Trump. His virtue and personal values, however, are what make up for his background that may not seem politically driven. 

Bugs Bunny’s pacifist ideals make for a fine Democrat even if his deceptive attitude is not promising. Even in the state of a national crisis, his citizens would not have to worry about making sacrifices. He possesses the morale to act in the name of good, therefore prioritizing life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness above all else.

Bugs Bunny will not start a war, but boy, will he finish it.

Here’s another kicker: Bugs Bunny is liberal on issues regarding gender role and gender presentation. This issue that has plagued society for decades, and what better time to abolish this dated concept than now? Bunny is a man who is confident with his sexuality yet is known to dress as a carefree woman whenever he pleases.

Circling back to his view on war, Bugs Bunny has historically used this tactic to appease his own enemies in an authoritative albeit harmless fashion. Imagine what he could do for an entire nation experiencing civil unrest, an entire nation that is better off progressing in the direction of peace and free expression for all.

When compared to the record of most other American politicians, Bugs Bunny has one of the cleanest slates of them all. Unlike the aforementioned Trump and moderately well-known Joe Biden, Bunny is a candidate with no controversial  legal affairs nor any misconduct allegations. 

Now let’s say that Bugs Bunny wins the election. Let’s say a Toon takes office. Surely some people will be a little bit confused, maybe even outraged. Assassination is no problem for Bunny; he has assailed all of his assassins before. Bugs Bunny does not even possess the ability to die. 

Look, when considering the benefits as well as the poll numbers, Bugs Bunny is the best bet for America’s next president. He is a strong candidate and nice guy who will simultaneously get down to business in office.