If you were born in a time with a basic level of civilization, perhaps no life threatening diseases, or even a reigning dictator, you’ve likely been burdened with being taught the “art” of kindness and respect. You may even have been told that these were lifelong skills would help us get a job, be treated how we desired to be treated, and accomplish our dreams. Supposedly what all started with “please” and “thank you” would lead to eternal selflessness and a satisfying life spent serving everyone but yourself.

Honestly though, what good could uttering the simple words “please” and “thank you” even muster? If actions speak louder than words, then all of the “good manners” things that we’re supposed to say are just dreary rituals that that waste precious seconds each day. It is a waste to give the unoriginal “you’re welcome” after holding the door for a random stranger who probably won’t even say thank you. Instead, try this: slam the door upon their arrival. While at first this may seem cruel, you’re actually giving them a much greater gift than holding the door. You’re giving them the feeling of accomplishment of doing something for themselves, and you get bonus points if they’re currently pregnant.

You were not born to serve others unless that is your paid profession, and we respect the selfishness of a hustle, but otherwise don’t live your life at the expense of others. The World Health Organization estimates an average life-span of just seventy two years for those of us here in the greatest country on Earth. We all know seventy years lasts like two seconds. Why waste any second of the limited years you have left on anything but yourself? Why be so focused on manners, respect, and the made up concept of kindness when there’s nothing in it for you? If you exercise good manners, what do you get? There’s a little chance you’ll even receive a “thank you,” let alone the kind of recognition you deserve…their first born child, a donation to your reckless lifestyle, or at least a new car. 

At the end of the day, in the limited time you have on this earth, live for yourself and embrace your selfishness. Drop kindness like a bad habit. Do you know how to get rid of bad habits? You stop it in its tracks. Today is your day. Stop tipping your waiters, apologizing, investing any energy in others, and most of all, never hold a door for anyone ever again.