Love in life: what the movies don’t show

Melissa Morris-Adkins, Journalism 1 Writer

Crushes and break ups are not the same in the real world as they are in movies: in most movies someones crush usually likes them back, but in the real world, that’s not always the case. There’s a high chance our crush might not like us  back. Similarly, breakups often feel much worse in high school than in the movies, and couples are less likely to break up and reunite. So how does the brain process these two completely different emotions?

When we get our first crush, we start to feel all sorts of things towards them, but we also begin to have a lot of nerves around them. “It was kinda nerve racking because a bunch of questions come up like “do they like me too?” says sophomore Haily Lonsbury.The reason behind this is that we become self conscious in front of them, because suddenly we care what they think about us and whether or not we’re looking and acting in ways that might be attractive.

Following along the same line, most people get this weird feeling, but it’s also happy at the same time. “ It was kinda weird. When I got my first crush I was happy, but also I don’t know…I got really nervous,” says sophomore Clarice Bryant. One of the biggest causes of nervousness is fear of the unknown and not knowing what the other person is thinking.

Every person is different depending on what draws them toward a person. “Usually it’s their personality. I really love personality.” says sophomore Akira Smith.

The reason for this is “It’s not just about looks—our tendency to be drawn to attractive personalities has a basis in science as well” The Independent reports. Selflessness is particularly important.  Research has found that altruistic behavior has been significant to us throughout our evolution as a species: “it was one of the qualities our ancestors looked for in a mate,” Dr. Tim Phillips says. “It would have been important for our ancestors to choose mates both willing and able to be good, long-term parents. Displays of altruism could well have provided accurate clues to this.”

It’s different when going through a breakup. We aren’t going to have the same feelings that we had when we were crushing on someone. They are going to be quite a bit different.

“I became depressed, I was pretty much working all the time, or at football practice. I never really thought it was going to end the way it did,” says junior Jael Castonguay. There is not one specific reason to as why we go through depression when we experience a breakup.  There are many things that can impact post-break up sadness, such as how long the two people have been together for, if either one has had a struggle with depression in the past and other things of that sort.

Sophomore James Martin said that, when it comes to how long it takes to get over a breakup: “It depends on the person.” Sometimes we can get over a breakup in a few days, other times it may take us a few weeks to a month, but most of the time it can take up to about six weeks.  “After six weeks most people start to adjust to life without their ex, but it can take up to three months to feel back to normal, says Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of Should I Stay or Should I Go?  “It could be a lot quicker, but typically it’s not much longer,” she says. “I tell my clients all the time: Give everything six weeks before you think you are not coping well.”

There are several important points to remember when going through  a crush or a breakup. First, the emotions that go with both of these events can last a few weeks or longer. Second, these emotions have roots in biology and are normal. Finally, over time theses feelings will pass.