Picture it. You’re walking down a hallway, inhaling the overpowering smell of body odor and hope. You see a hunky football star wobbling down the hall with his eyes gorilla-glued onto the backside of his girlfriend. He sneaks up behind her, grabbing her, all-but knocking her over, then plants a kiss on her that you’re sure you will never be able to wipe your mind clean of. The two, completely unaware of the spectacle they’ve made, walk off into the science wing never to be seen again, hand in hand, waffle style of course. Your only question… “Am I scarred?”

Of course you are. You have been hit with the terrifying and life altering sighting of P.D.A., and let me tell you if you haven’t been told before…it’s NASTY! It’s one thing to share a casual hug after school, maybe even a smooch or two, but good God what possess a person to have to round all four bases all while gathering up books for third hour? I’m not asking much ladies and gents but let’s try to keep the fondling and groping to a minimum. Wait until you’re in the comfort of your own home to quite literally attack each other. Now look, I understand that you just want to “be there” and “comfort” each other, but right before my eyes? No thank you.