Oh, Jingle Bae

Mackenzie Brey, Entertainment Editor

Dear Diary,

Skin is drying out, bulky coats are a necessity, and sounds of sniffles are filling the hallways. Cuffing season is here and I, for one, am NOT ready. How could I be? It seems as if cuffing season hit me harder than my feels after watching The Notebook! Seriously… How could I NOT stare deeply into Marco Pastrana’s eyes when he is talking about the long bike ride he took over the weekend in English class? How am I supposed to do my math worksheet when Grant Perrine keeps running his hand through his hair? Or doing homework when Linus Mallett is looking like a whole snacc? The simple answer is that I can’t… I need to be #cuffed. I can’t see how a gal such as myself can go lonely this winter! Am I supposed to just go ice skating by myself? Even worse, am I expected to go ice skating with my friends, letting everyone know I’m bae-less? I think the CUFF not! However, all of this self-pity has got me thinking…have I really been putting forth the effort in the cuffing process? No, I have not. So I have concluded, diary, the that there are three steps to becoming “cuffed.”

Step One: Start wearing oversized sweaters and skinny jeans. Of all the pictures I have seen of the couples on Instagram, all of the girls are wearing sweaters and skinny jeans while their companion sports a flannel. My daily dress consisting of oversized tee-shirts, graphic socks, Chaco’s™, and over-worn leggings is cramping my style.

Step Two: Seek out boys wearing flannels. Simple! If I reduce my focus on things like school, family, and friends, this little thing I like to call “Flannel Vision” will come naturally! These cuffable cutie-patooties obviously are keeping warm, therefore having excess warmth and comfort to provide for me during this chilly season.

Step Three: Put “seeking a bae” in my Instagram bio. This way everyone will know that I mean business. Maybe I’ll also include a link to a Google doc with all of my positive traits. That would hook them for sure!

But alas! It is already well into cuffing season and I’m still left cozying up to none other than my (mildly rude) dog. With any luck, if I can just follow my own advice (and do it quickly), I’m sure to be cuffed in no time.

Until next time,