45 thoughts I have at the dentist

Abby Seeber, Opinion Editor

  1. It smells like toothbrushes in here.
  2. Oh! Thank god, it’s about time they came to get me.
  3. Why do they put this chair so far down?
  4. I need sunglasses. When did they stop giving me sunglasses?
  5. Stop trying to have a conversation with me, you know darn well I can’t reply.
  6. Seriously, this chair needs a pillow or something. I am so uncomfy.
  7. Yes I brush my teeth twice a day. (I’m not gross) but even if I did not brush my teeth do you think I will tell you the truth, Ms. Hygienist? No. I will lie.
  8. Quick Question, do people actually take all of those “Bad Breath” pamphlets that you have lying out?
  9. You could be a little more gentle scrubbing my plaque you know.
  10. This place needs more posters on the ceiling. I’m running out of things to distract myself with.
  11. These posters have nothing to do with the dentist. “Nothing quite like the great outdoors!” Calm down.
  12. You guys should put a TV up there for me to watch New Girl instead of hearing you scrape my teeth.
  13. I (inhale) need (inhale) more (exhale) water.
  14. Thank you, I was starting to get desperate.
  15. Are you serious? That is all the water I get?
  16. Can I please have a paper towel?
  17. I am a grown young adult, this is embarrassing how much I am drooling.
  18. This is so boring. Play the radio louder. I don’t want to hear the suction machine.
  19. Am I going to get a treat from the treasure chest? I am doing really well and I deserve one.
  20. Why do we say “Going to the dentist?” Shouldn’t we say “Going to the Dentist’s Office?” Seems more correct.
  21. Okay, I am going to count every single ceiling tile.
  22. You really need more posters.
  23. Perhaps I could have my own set of headphones to wear while I am here.
  24. You know what is disgusting? This scraping tool has been in other people’s mouths.
  25. Are you sure that you cleaned this completely? I mean I trust you, but do I really?
  26. Do you write poetry? I would love to hear some.
  27. I am so bored.
  28. On Television when people are at the dentist’s office, there is always a little water cup they can reach for at any time. Is that just urban legend? Is my dentist the only one that doesn’t do that for me?
  29. Why don’t dentists use a normal toothbrush? I feel like you have an alien life form inside of me.
  30. No, I never had braces. Impressive, right?
  31. I take excellent care of my teeth, so I feel bad for the hygienist that have to clean the teeth of the people that brush their teeth once a day. I am easy.
  32. I really appreciate that you wear that mask over your mouth because I do not want to inhale your breath, minty as it may be.
  33. Can you prop my neck a little? No? Yeah sure, no problem that’s fine, that’s fine.
  34. You are literally examining my mouth, can you see how badly I need a paper towel to spit in? Please. Please.
  35. I am sorry that I got drool on you.
  36. How long have we been here? Three hours? Half hour.
  37. I should have brought some knitting or something.
  38. So after the fluoride, can I still eat? I mean I know you said I have to wait a half hour, but do I really? It will take me roughly ten minutes to drive home, and by then I will be starving.
  39. What do you mean “No?”
  40. I haven’t eaten anything for three hours so my mouth would be as clean as possible, and you are going to make me wait even longer.
  41. This is child abuse.
  42. Dude where is my old man dentist? He was so cute.  Why hasn’t he come to see me yet?
  43. HUBBA HUBBA Mr. New Dentist you will do just fine.
  44. Yes I floss.
  45. Do you have a suggestion box? I would like to recommend a pillow for this chair.