Staats’ Statements


North Korea has asked the United Nations to look further into the CIA’s recent torture allegations.

Which is probably the best use ever for the phrase “the pot calling the kettle black.”


Google has announced that “do I have Ebola?” was one of the most popular searches of the year.

And the most seen response? “No.”


Police caught a teenager who paid a $1,300 taxi fair to Florida with money stolen from her grandmother.

No charges were filed though, probably because $1,300 on cab fare is probably the best use of stolen money ever for a teen.


The CIA is under criticism over a newly released terror report, which showed that the CIA has been misleading the public over torture policies.

And aliens, right? They’ve been misleading us about aliens, right?


Bill Cosby’s wife, trying to defend her husband in light of the recent scandal, asked “Who is the real victim?”

The women. It’s the women.