Staats’ Statements


Eric Staats, Copy Editor

North Korea has begun firing shots into South Korea.

Said Kim Jong Un, “Don’t make fun of my haircut.”


A new survey has shown that more conservatives understand the liberal perspective than do liberals with the conservative perspective.

Which makes a lot of sense. I’d find it pretty hard to think of a reason why certain people can’t get married, too.


A new study has shown that the legalization of marijuana will greatly reduce crime rates.

Meanwhile, so will the legalization of murder.


North Korea has announced that they are going to hold a marathon.

As expected, first place as already been awarded to Kim Jong Un.


Economists are warning that Colorado will not get anywhere near their monetary goal for marijuana sales.

So, sales weren’t as high as they had hoped?