To whom it may concern,

We need to talk. An illness has been spreading like wildfire that needs to be discussed ASAP: Senioritis.

Senioritis is a medical term given to high school seniors who have been drained and want nothing more than to walk the stage and put this chapter of their life behind them. Characterized by an acute lack of motivation, the symptoms are so strong and the urge to run away and hide in the confinement of your bed so intense that the illness is nearly impossible to manage. It is also highly contagions, and once a student contracts senioritis, there’s no hope for a full recovery.

To prevent the spread of this nightmare contagion and help those affected, the only rational solution is to go into a senior-only lockdown. The underclassman have not been infected just yet and can continue to go to class, but for the preservation of seniors’ grades, they should be admitted to in-school residential care complete with a caffeine IV drip, one-on-one academic support, and, of course, a prescription for A’s on everyone’s senior final exams.

Sincerely,The (extremely sick) Senior Class