“I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream” -Vincent van Gogh. I spent probably the entire month of August just re-reading that quote everyday because it was the only framed thing in my new room. The big gold frame definitely stood out in a room full of blues and different variations of grey. Everyday I tried to figure out what the saying meant to Vincent van Gogh and I don’t think I ever actually did, until recently.

As any freshman starting at a new school would, I spent most of my summer anxiously awaiting September. Everyday I thought up a new scenario about what it was going to be like (none of which have happened). If I am honest, I had a rather pessimistic view on my new school and living arrangement: I didn’t see it as an opportunity for improvement and growth, all I saw was  my parents dragging me away from my friends and the school I had attended since 2nd grade. I refused to see the reasoning behind the choice my parents had made, no matter how logical it was. Instead, I chose to look at the negative side of things and had somehow managed to convince myself that it was a punishment.

The last month of summer was a low point in my life. I didn’t want to do anything and I thought my entire world was ending. I couldn’t get past it. I had always struggled, but it has never been as bad as it was this summer. I couldn’t let go of the past and I felt guilty every single day. I had no hope.

Now that I’m in my second quarter of my first year at Portage Northern, I can see new improvements every day. I went from having a GPA of 1.7 to being an A-B  student. I used to not want get out of bed, but now school is relatively fun for me.

Changing my habits and my perspective was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and it certainly didn’t happen over night. I am very lucky to have the support system I did. I wouldn’t be where I am today without my mom. I’ve had more than my fair share of “bad days”  and I’ve messed up more times than I can count. Even after everything I did, my mom stayed with me through all of it and she never gave up on me.

While I do still occasionally miss my old school,  I am happy with where I am.

To me, the Vincent van Gogh quote means there is always hope. No one knows  anything with certainty, but as humans, we always hope for the best. The sight of stars makes me dream, the sight of stars gives me hope.